Cultural Competency in the bar scene as a Succulent Babe
 

THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

I’m going to start off by saying that I identify as a Canadian who is half Filipino and half East Indian. Let’s be real, the cultures that I’m submerged in have fed me the most amazing food my whole life.  Other than world peace, what else could you possibly ask for from your countries of origin?

Before I go on the biggest tangent about food, the point of this blog post is to talk about cultural competency in the bar scene, or maybe cultural incompetency in the bar scene? Let me put it this way, if I had a dollar for every time a guy has come up to me and asked, “Where do you come from?” you would get a car and you get a car because I would be that rich. My answer every time is, “I come from Edmonton.” This answer is usually accompanied by a WTF look on my face. Why? Because, in my opinion it’s possible to ask what a person's ethnicity is while being respectful and flattering all at the same time.  If you are at a loss as to what I’m saying, then these are some examples:

  • Yo girl, you are lookin’ fine as wine! What is your ethnicity?
  •  Damn, you are hella gorgeous! What culture do you identify with?
  • Wooww… I have wanted to talk to you since you got here! You're beautiful. I am dying to know your heritage!

See! SO MANY WAYS EXIST! Now, no one has an excuse when they ask a question regarding the nature of someone’s ethnicity. When you act like a fool, I can guarantee you will not find love in the club.

Why does this matter to me?

  • It’s 2017 in Canada. Need I say more? I shouldn’t have to, but I will anyways. Unless you are of Indigenous decent, you are an immigrant. Therefore, it’s our responsibility as first, second, or third generation Canadians to be mindful of the way we ask sensitive questions. Just because you see an ethnic girl at the bar, doesn’t mean you have the right to ask where she comes from as if you own the land.
  •  It’s 2017, I can vote and I can have your respect. It’s my right and our right as human beings to be respected. I know your mama didn’t race no fool SO JUST BE POLITE.

“If the Emmy’s can recognize diversity as a big ass institution based on looks, surely YOU can do it”  - Addy, fellow Succulent Babe, member of my tribe, future doctor, and the biggest advocate of “slay all day”

The entirety of what I’m trying to say can easily be translated to any environment, work, community, and/or bars. It’s all relevant. Staring a local business where mindfulness is a huge focus, I’ve become more aware of being aware. And as I meet more people through all these different settings I’m realizing that you get to choose your ignorance. So the lesson here is: choose to be better, and choose to be aware.

I just want to reiterate that the purpose of this blog series is to give some insight into what makes people eye roll at the bar. (Ps. these eye rolls are totally preventable)

For me, it’s the questions of:

  • "But, where do you come from?... For real."
  • “What ethnicity would you choose first?”
  • “But… where are you REALLY from?”
  • “Which ethnicity do you like better?”
  • “Which culture do you ACTUALLY identify with?

And if someone else refers to me as a “creature” again I swear to the holiest of burgers that I may just lose it- ya feel?! Just like Sam Smith, I know I’m not the only one. So without further adieu, my lovely like-minded friends have agreed to share their own experiences and opinions about the subject matter at hand. They’re pretty unapologetic, so you’re going to want to stick around for this. Get ready for 4 weeks of CULTURAL COMPETENCY IN THE BAR SCENE, as a Succulent babe of course ;)

Longevity: Our competency as a whole will make for waaaayy better future interactions with all races. WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT?

Lesson: Pointing fingers will get us no where fast- so don't do that! Also, it's rude. Didn't your mama tell you that?

Success: The fact that we get to post this on the interwebs of 2018 is a god damn success. 

Thugz & Kisess,

Alaine

 
Alaine & Lesley
How to make friends as a Succulent Babe
 

Let’s just say I’m an “older” University student. I took a few years off from high school because i genuinely did not know what I wanted to take. I wanted to find myself, learn more about myself. And of course during that time span, years passed by and my highschool friends graduated from University. So I’m standing in the middle of campus, filled with hundreds of people and I feel alone. I realize I have no friends in University and all I can think of is “I NEED A FRIEND TO GET A’s IN MY CLASSES!” Because let’s be honest, you do better when you have a study buddy! My Succulent Babe mindset kicks in and I confidently know I’m going to make friends in ALL of my classes. Here was my strategy:

  1. Don’t go to class too early - and sit beside someone.. Anyone!

  2. Introduce yourself - you have 80 minutes to say “hi” or it’s a bust.

  3. Cross your fingers and hope they sit by you next class

HA! You think making friends would be that easy. Here was where I went wrong, I didn’t follow through - I had a wall up which lead me to “hope” that the person I introduced myself to would reach out to me during the next class. I already had a negative connotation in my head that if I didn’t do it right the first time, it wasn’t going to happen at all.

And I get a second chance (because life is full of second chances!)  - when I realized that I had nothing to lose and that I had nothing to be afraid of because my Succulent Babe mindset was telling me how awesome I was! I took the initiative to  have a conversation by allowing my guards to come down. And acknowledging that every relationship needs work and it needs time to build. Just because you didn’t get it right the first time, doesn’t mean that friendship or relationship won’t grow or evolve into everything. Just like our plants! If we gave up on our plants because they weren’t growing fast enough - we would never see it bloom. So give it time, take things slow and that relationship could be something amazing!

Longevity: Something that no one teaches you because you must learn on your own - or maybe from a book. But everything worth your while, takes time. Growth takes time, success takes time, relationships take time, everything takes time because at the end of the day - life isn’t a race.

Success: Acknowledging the issue rather than empowering it. Positive thoughts always wins!

Lessons: Consistency creates a compound effect overtime. Just as it defines the difference between success and failure, it determines how strong your friendships/relationships grow.

Travel tip: If you have trouble making friends on a vacation trip - bring a Unicorn floaty because who doesn’t love Unicorns?!

XX,

Lesley

 

 
Overcoming negative self talk as a Succulent Babe
 

Let me ask you a question: What kind of relationship do you have with yourself? I know, weird right? Have you ever caught yourself in autopilot mode due to your super busy life? You just feel so overwhelmed that your life becomes a checklist from task to task? Then, next thing you know - 3 months pass by and not once during that time span have you treated yo self. What happens next? You finally find time to scroll through social media and everyone but you seems to be happy. You feel like somethings missing. You start to judge yourself by comparing your happiness to others. And all of a sudden you feel like your work owns your time and not you. You lose yourself by the lack of effort you put into yourself and others. And one day… you just feel like you’re not good enough, worthy enough - so you put up this wall. Now 3 more months pass by in your lonely autopilot life - and you suddenly feel alone. Sounds like someone you know? If this sounds all too familiar, my dear friend - you are not alone. And you don’t have to stay there!

Negative self talk - Yes, let’s put a damn label on it. I didn’t realize that self shit talking was a thing until I caught myself in my apartment, on a sunny day shit talking.. to me, in my head! I used to think I was alone and maybe slightly crazy but I decided to not let that be another story in my head. For half a year, I couldn’t figure out why I was so insecure all the time. I was always sad and upset at the world. My mantra wasn’t anything positive and it began to become a negative compound effect that was affecting my mindset.

Yes, my Succulent Babe mindset that Alaine and I created was being taken over by my own negative self talk. If ya’ll forgot (because I did) - what is a Succulent Babe? A Succulent Babe is a confident male or female that acknowledges self judgement but moves on from it. Acknowledging when your true self isn’t aligned with your thoughts is how a Succulent Babe would respond to negative self talk and assessing why their mind is not aligning with their beliefs. Just like we say, if your plants look like they need some lovin’, it’s probably a sign that you do too and that you need to treat yo self. I get it, I get it. Life can get so busy and overwhelming. So let’s do ourselves a solid and act like real Succulent Babes, check ourselves and treat ourselves. Because life's too short to not be happy and to be drowning in negative self talk.

Success: Acknowledging when my mind isn’t aligned with what makes me happy is HUGE step. And that’s something to celebrate.

Lessons: I’ve made it apart of my daily ritual to consistency ask myself “How are you today, Les?” and  if I don’t like the answer,  I’ll fix it instead of letting it brew.

XX

Lesley

 
Part 4: Tinder dating as a Succulent Babe
 

Why I have retired from the Tinder World

Since my last relationship my tinder dates have decreased significantly, and it’s because I’ve decided (after 3 long ass years of profile sifting and thumb cramps) that I am officially done with this app.

Why? Well…

  • Millennial dating how you have royally fucked my generation. If you’ve never heard the term millennial dating, it’s basically an explanation of “you can date her/him BUT… the next person you meet COULD be better”.  Excuse my language, but what in the actual fuck. Why has this become a thing? Why can’t we meet someone, like them, them like us, date the shit out of each other, and MAYBE just MAYBE commit to being in a relationship without thinking “what if” or “who else is out there.”
  • Why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down?        AKA: Why are you so awesome for date 1-4 and then crumble at the site of commitment? Comm-phobs everywhere, and yet they still want it ALL. (Listen up boys, not every girl is looking to get married tomorrow. With that being said, if you’re with a girl and she is allocating time to spend with you, it is not for funzies. If a busy, successful woman is giving you her time and attention, you better believe that she is interested. So don’t fuck it up.)
  • And lastly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of dealing with fuck-boys, and I’m tired of going on dates to entertain conversations where guys just talk about themselves. I’ve also gone on a lot of really good dates with good people. But we always seem to remember the ugly first.

There you have it folks! The good-ish, the juicy, the bad, and the ugly! I have since retired myself from the app, and you can now catch me in real time! Aka: At work, at the barn, McDonald’s, drinking champagne, or working on my awesome business with my bomb ass tribe. It wouldn’t be in Succulent Babe nature to have this blog talking purely about negative experiences. I’d like to highlight the Tinder good guys that I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with. Wherever you guys are I’m sending you so much light and love.

Trey Songz of New Zealand: You showed me electricity and then gave me hope that electricity between two humans actually existed.

Adam: You got me excited about ME because you asked questions and cared to listen. I couldn’t thank you enough for being proud of my business and me.

Jesus the bass player (Jonathan): This was probably the first date ever where I truly just hung out with a guy and there were no expectations. And… you didn’t judge me when it was 2 am and I had to pee in a bush. I’m happy to still call you my friend.

If I were to sum up my overall tinder experience into LSL, it would look like:

Longevity: Other than 3 years of tinder persistence, I would say that there is longevity in what I have to offer as a person. I am a love hard, work hard woman and I will sure as hell find relationship that reflects just that.

Success: I have successfully and fully established my worth.

Lessons: If you’ve gotten to this blog post, YOU KNOW ALL THE LESSONS.

Please keep in mind that I only speak from my own experiences, and Tinder definitely has its success stories. And yes, I know I’m only 24 and finding my future succulent partner isn’t going to happen overnight. Until then! I’ll be making more of an effort to go out (like in public not just to the bar). I hear playing co-ed sports even though you’re not good at “sports” is something worth exploring! The way I see it, we can only go up from here!

Thugs & Kisses,

Alaine