First off, as this is our very first blog post EVER we need to say thank you for even clicking onto this page. We have all the feels starting this blog, and we're so excited to share it with you Succulent Babes. So, just because it's friday and we anticipate you'll be reading this series in all of its juicy-ness in bed on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon (perhaps a little hung-over) we're starting off with 'Tinder Dating as a Succulent Babe' part 1. YOU are most welcome!
The BIG Cheese
Where do I even start? Do I start by telling you about the guy who referred to himself as the “big cheese”? Or the guy who made a poor judgment call and told me his OH SO hot and steamy dream about yours truly (after our first and last date). My love hate relationship with this app began approximately 3 years ago. Working as a young professional in the female dominated field of social services has been great in the career aspect of my life, expanding my network of hot boys? Not so much. Not that the men in my field of work aren’t amazing, because many are! But they’re also either married, about to retire, or don’t swing this way. So, my 21-year-old self took the tinder plunge and my 24-year-old self is still single… as fuck. I can honestly say I’ve been on over 70 dates and have talked to hundreds of eligible bachelors in the Calgary area. Yes, I’ve seen some of them in public randomly, and yes we always act as if we’ve never seen each other’s profiles.
I have honestly tried my best to keep a positive attitude while dating on this app, and obviously had three years of solid hope. Being in a place in my life where I can confidently say that I have a lot of my shit together I can also say that I want to go on dates and spend time with someone. I figured that I’m probably not the only Succulent Babe out there who is going through the same millennial dating struggles, and my experiences are pretty entertaining. I’m also someone that laughs at my own jokes and Snapchats so my definition of entertaining may be skewed.
This blog series isn’t going to talk about every single date I’ve been on. This series is going to take you through some of my highlights and why I’m no longer on the app while connecting it all back to longevity, lessons, or success in some way shape or form. It’s going to be pretty unapologetic. So, without further or due I give you... The Big Cheese!
Again, where do I even start? I’m just going to do a bullet point play by play of the date:
- The Big Cheese asked what I do for a living, so I answered the question and politely asked, “what about you?” and that is when he answered, “Well, I’m kind of the big cheese.” Because I’m a smart independent curious woman, I wanted to know what gave the Big Cheese his substance. I found out that the Big Cheese was a VP of an oil and gas company. Without giving too much personal information away the Big Cheese did well for himself (proud of him for that!) but presented in a way that was not Succulent Babe like and because you already know live, breathe and eat the Succulent Babe mindset you know exactly what I’m talkin’ about.
- As the date went on Big Cheese ordered another drink. I had finished my one beer and within an hour had two used the ladies room, twice. GOD FORBID, right? Well, as I stand up to excuse myself he makes the comment, “That IBS, eh!?” YEAH, IBS as in Irritable Bowel Syndrome. WTF. I KNOW. First of all, that’s rude, and second who in their right mind says something like that to someone they don’t even know? THE BIG CHEESE DOES.
- Upon my return from the ladies room, the Big Cheese has the nerve to ask, “Hey! How do you think this date is going?” At this point I was all kinds of confused and shocked as to how this date was going, so I asked “did you want like an anonymous survey type answer?” He said “sure!” SO, I said, “I’ve honestly gone on some pretty shitty dates, but this by far is the worst.” And THE BIG CHEESE WAS SHOCKED, and I needed the bill so I could get the hell out of there.
- The bill arrived and guess who forgot their big cheesy wallet? OH, YOU KNOW IT! The Big Cheese. He proceeded to apologize and ask if he could email transfer me. My response? “NO, I do not want you to have my email.” And I paid for the bill. In hindsight, I should have walked to the bar and paid for my own drink and said “bye boy bye!”
- As I walked to my car to drive far far away, the Big Cheese was still walking beside me. Why? Because the forces of the universe made it so we actually parked right beside each other. As I approach my car he says, “did you pay for that yourself?” No words. None.
In conclusion, the Big Cheese was actually the Big Flop.
The lesson learned: Do NOT talk to anyone who refers to himself or herself as the Big Cheese, unless you are in fact talking to a big block of cheese.
Thugs & Kisses,